Being pregnant and giving birth for the first time is a beautifully frightening journey. You can read all the books you want and gather all the best advice from experts and those around you, but until you actually experience it yourself and the things that come along with it (aches, pains, emotions, etc.), you'll never really know. With that being said the woman's body is a wondrous creation, intricately designed by God Himself. The changes that the body goes through during pregnancy is astounding! From the crazy elasticity of the uterus and skin to make room for the growing fetus, the production and increase in the volume of blood, to the loosing of bones to prepare for the delivery of a baby. And these are just a few of the many mind blowing capabilities of the female body as it makes room and prepares to give life to another generation of people who will inhabit the earth, leaving their footprints.
To be transparent, I never really saw myself with kids. Most women know that they want to be mothers, get married, etc. but that wasn't my desired plan. On top of that, the stories of giving birth and the dramatics I saw on tv didn't persuade me to think any different. I just knew in my heart I would be that rich auntie with the furs and handbags who would spoil her nieces and nephews then give them back to their parents, so when I found out I was pregnant, my whole life as I knew it at that moment changed. Honestly, I was nervous and devastated because I thought the roadmap I had created for my life was now void but God had other plans, much better plans. I shortly begin seeing this experience not as something that happened to me but something that happened for me. It was a blessing and I started embracing my new journey as such.
As time went on, I realized that my thought process had changed, my conversations changed. My desires and goals shifted to make room for my little blessing. My financial planning definitely changed and well, my friendships changed too. Listen, everything around me was shifting so quickly, but the biggest, most noticeable change that shook me was the altering of my physical body and energy levels. No, I’m not shallow but when you have a vision of how you think your life will go and are used to living and being a certain way for so long, it kind of shakes your world up. Yes, I knew my body wouldn’t be the same forever but I definitely wasn't expecting changes via pregnancy so as you can imagine, gaining weight and getting "adult" stretch marks wasn’t a part of the plan.
During my pregnancy I gained the necessary weight I needed to, thankfully I didn't experience any health issues and guess what, no visible body changes besides the expansion of my abdominal area. Then during the last few weeks of my pregnancy, boom! Body marked up like the subway in Harlem, call them. Wizzy F baby, please save the baby (Lil Wayne). I was the baby at that point, I cried! I just knew I would bounce back to my pre-pregnancy weight and go on like I never gave birth. That was the lie of all lies and I realized that was so far from being realistic not just for myself but other women too. Yes, I had used creams, butters, oils and was active the whole time but when your body has the accommodate your growing baby, there's not much you can do.
After giving birth to my daughter and now being 6 months postpartum, I’m still struggling with the changes of my body. I'm still trying to figure out what's my new normal because what was, isn't. I'm literally learning myself again, which may seem crazy to some. I'm adjusting to my new life of being "mom" tired but somehow strengthened, night feedings, diaper changes, working, enriching my child's life and trying to make sure home is good. I'm still finding my new rhythm, what I want and desire for myself in this new space and new place.
I shared all of this to say that if you feel or felt similar to me, you're not alone. This is, well normal to a lot of women. Just know that our bodies are a marvelous creation and can do oh so amazing things. It doesn’t matter if you gained weight, have stretch marks in places you didn’t think possible, have discolored skin, temporary health issues, etc. your body did its thing and you should be hella proud! Society has placed the burden of beauty and shame on women after pregnancy because we're somehow expected to pick up and resume life without interruption. I’m here to tell you that you are beautiful, you are powerful and you got this! Give yourself a round of applause! No, your body probably won’t be the exact same as it was before and that's okay. Yes, your journey will take some time but giving life is an ultimate reward! Embrace your newness, approach your insecurities with grace, be patient and kind to yourself. Please know that these are reminders for myself as well. I still struggle at times with being unmotivated, not wanting to workout, wanting to eat what I want, mom guilt, etc. Just know that we will get to where we need to be, we just have to be patient, intentional and have a plan.
I used to think becoming a mom would be a hindrance before I got pregnant but I now realize as a mom that I'm capable of so much more and have so many more reasons to continue to strive for greatness. What I desire to accomplish is still possible and now I have that additional push, which is my legacy and her future. I realize that watching my daughter grow and getting the opportunity to "experience" her BIG personality is true joy to me. There's nothing like that sweet connection between you and your child. What I once valued is nothing in comparison to being a mom and I can be still be that rich auntie, just with a kid. Looking back at this experience and the changes of my body, I realized it's just temporary in light of the everlasting beauty God gifted me with, my daughter.
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